The thorn in my flesh

Last night I stayed up quite late talking to my husband about life. He asked me a question – “if you could have one wish, what it would be?” I thought about it and replied, “I guess it would be to re-live my childhood and have a normal one.” I briefed over my childhood with him, as I have done many times before, and gave a quick explanation as to what I “wished” I had and what I have to live with for the rest of my life.

Because of my experience growing up, I now live with, what Rudy titled it last night, a “thorn in my flesh.” Rudy was talking about Paul and the torment he faced -- “To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.” 2 Corinthians 12:7. I know that affliction came to Paul from or by a messenger of Satan. Just as God allowed Satan to torment Job (Job 1:1-12), God allowed Satan to torment Paul for God’s own good purposes and always within God’s perfect will. I fully get that but man… what a struggle it is-- to be tormented everyday! Seems like the purpose of the thorn in the flesh is to keep us humble and seek God; to always be in tune with the spirit of conviction. But we can see that Paul learned from this experience the lesson that dominates his writings: divine power is best displayed against the backdrop of human weakness (2 Corinthians 4:7) so that God alone is praised (2 Corinthians 10:17).

But what of the helmet of Salvation from the Armor of God? God has promised us brings us hope. God does not lie. Our hope is based on Him. A Christian with the helmet of the hope of salvation will not get confused with the fleeing pleasures of sin. Oh… but I do… the torment exist and breeds in my mind. But I know that God's armor brings victory because it is far more than a protective covering. It is the very life of Jesus Christ Himself. "Put on the armor of light," wrote Paul in his letter to the Romans, "...clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ." (Romans 13:12-14) When you do, He becomes your hiding place and shelter in the storm. Hidden in Him, I can count on His victory, for He not only covers me as a shield, He also fills me with His life. AMEN!

I know that it is impossible to change the past and wishing to do so can prolong the “healing” process. But what I do know is that I can always fall back to God and His pure and holy word; keeping myself open to Him. After all, he knows my name. He knows my every thought. He see’s each tear that falls and he hears me when I call. So… as imperfect as I am; tormented by my experiences, I know that I am not stuck in a place I cannot get out of, where no one can hear me. I have God, His word, my family and the body of Christ that can and will be there for me if I should become overwhelmed by my torn.

For now, I will try this armor thing on and hopefully it’s not too big for me. If so… I guess I’ll have to grow in it! (wink wink)